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The Dog

One day a mailman was greeted by a boy and a huge dog. The mailman said to the boy, "does your dog bite?" "No," replied the boy. Just then the huge dog bit the mailman.

The man yelled, "I thought your dog doesn't bite!" "He doesn't," replied the boy, "that's not my dog!"

The Doctor's Visit

An old couple go to the doctor.

The old man goes first to have his physical.

When the doctor is done with him, he sends the old man back into the wating room and calls the old woman in.

The doctor tells her, "Before we proceed with the examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband first."

The old woman says, "Oh no, it's his heart. I told him to lay off the eggs."

The doctor says, "No, physically he is OK, but I'm worried about him mentally."

The old woman questions, "Whatever do you mean?"

The doctor says, "Well I asked your husband how he is feeling and he told me he felt great.

He said that when he got up to go the bathroom, he opened the door and God turned the light on for him. When he was done, he would shut the door and God

would turn the light out for him."

The old woman responded, "Son of a gun, he's peeing in the fridge again!"

The Animal

A man once said to a sheep rancher and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have may I have one?" Thinking this impossible, the rancher agreed, to which the man replied,

"You have 1,795 sheep." "Now how did he get that?" wondered the rancher as the man selected an animal, slung it over his shoulder and turned to leave. "Wait," called the

rancher, "If I can guess your occupation can I have that animal back?" "Sure," said the man. "Youre a bureaucrat," confirmed the rancher with a grin streching from ear to

ear. "How did you figure that out?" asked the stunned man. "Well," grinned the rancher, "put my dog down and I will tell you."

Duh . . . .!

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office.

Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone!"

Most important man in the world

The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for awhile.

Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel. The Pope proceeds onto HWY 95, and starts accelerating to

see what the limo could do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the blue lights of the State Police in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.

The trooper, seeing who it was, says, "Just a moment please, I need to call in." The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief that he's got a REALLY important

person pulled over, and asks how he should handle it.

"It's not Ted Kennedy again is it?" replies the chief.

"No Sir!" replied the trooper, "This guy's more important."

"Is it the Governor?" replied the chief.

"No! Even more important!" replies the trooper.

"Is it the PRESIDENT??? replied the chief.

"No! Even more important!" replies the trooper.

"Well WHO is it?" screams the chief.

"I don't know Sir." replies the trooper, "but he's got the Pope as his chauffeur."